My Chemical Pregnancy Story
hey there, I’m Emma.
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you think you’re having a chemical pregnancy, or maybe you’ve just been told you had one and are trying to wrap your head around it.
Or you’re a friend/follower of mine/my family and are just curious.
Any way you came to read this, I’m sorry you are.
I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry this happened.
I’m so sorry.
My husband and I have two beautiful, healthy, happy children. Izabella, who we call Izzy, is three. Michael, who we call Mikey, is one. They were both relatively normal, textbook pregnancies.
Izzy at 38 weeks on the left, Mikey at 38 weeks on the right.
We are currently going through a change in seasons of life, and we had been talking about having another baby. After Mikey, I wasn’t sure I’d want another, but then COVID-19 happened, and all my brain could think about was having another baby.
So I had my IUD removed in July, and we waited to see what would happen. I tracked my ovulation, cycle lengths, all that great stuff us crazy women do when we are trying to conceive.
We went on a trip for our anniversary, and I was a few days late for my period.
I took a First Response pink dye test and it was a very faint positive, almost could’ve been an indentation line it was so faint.
A few days later I tested again.
It was still pretty faint, but the second line was definitely there.
We’re having another baby. Oh my gosh, we’re going to have another kid!
It’s hard to find time to obsess over something like this when you have two toddlers already, but I found myself thinking about it in small ways.
I guess I don’t need to put all of the baby clothes away in storage, I can leave out the smaller sizes.
Izzy is really going to have to learn how to ride her bike, there won’t be room for her in the double stroller next summer.
We will have to put Izzy’s car seat in the middle of the truck,, since she’ll be the only one able to unbuckle herself.
Maybe I should get the ergo baby carrier this time, I wasn’t too fond of the ones we bought for Izzy and Mikey.
Fast forward to Izzy’s third birthday just a few days later. I had a full day of treats, snacks, and activities planned for our little family of four. Right after lunch, I went to the bathroom and I saw it.
Spotting.
If you’re unfamiliar with early pregnancy symptoms, a little spotting is normal. Nothing to worry about, as long as the color is a light pink or brown.
I went back to the bathroom again a few hours later and saw more spotting.
But this time there was more blood. And it was bright red.
I just knew in my gut. I came out of the bathroom straight to my husband and said,
I think I’m having a miscarriage.
I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew this was not normal.
I continued to bleed as if I was having my period for the rest of the night. I called my OB when they opened the next morning and told them what was going on. They had me come in that afternoon.
My doctor did an ultrasound to see what was going on. I think part of me still wanted to believe that there was a baby, even though the evidence was there before me.
Hope is a funny things isn’t it? Even when reason is lying there, staring you in the face, you still hope for the best.
I held back tears as she pulled up the monitor and we saw an empty screen.
Just a blank, black picture.
She showed me where she could see I had ovulated, and that my uterine lining was thick, meaning I was shedding it (bleeding.) She explained to me how she thought I had a chemical pregnancy, and there was just something wrong with the embryo, as the machine printed out the first ultrasound images I wouldn’t get to keep. She said implantation didn’t happened correctly, which is why all of my tests were so faint.
I was pregnant, and then I wasn’t.
In a matter of days I went from planning a life for our new family of five, to processing that I had lost my pregnancy within the first five weeks it started.
I still don’t know how I feel, except sad. I know there’s more there, because I’m an emotional being, but I’m still processing a week later.
PLEASE if you take away anything from my story today, know this; you don’t have to feel, react, or be a certain way after having a miscarriage.
You can be sad. You can grieve. You can be okay. You can tell someone. You don’t have to tell anyone.
Your feelings are valid. You matter.
And I’m here for you.
Now to address a few frequently asked questions about chemical pregnancy:
Is a chemical pregnancy the same as a miscarriage?
By definition, a chemical pregnancy is a miscarriage that happens before the fifth week. Some studies suggest that chemical pregnancies account for 50%-70% of all miscarriages. Most women who have them just think they are having a late period.
How do I know I am having a chemical pregnancy?
Chances are you won’t know you’re having one unless you’re trying to get pregnant (therefore testing before your period is due) or have a much later than usual period. Always call your doctor or go to the nearest emergency room if you’re experiencing abnormal bleeding, cramps, or suspect you may be having a miscarriage.
If I have a chemical pregnancy does that increase my chances of having another?
One of the “upsides” to having a chemical pregnancy as opposed to a miscarriage later on is that it does not increase your risk of having another miscarriage. In fact, it’s considered to be a good indicator of getting pregnant again within a short amount of time. Please discuss any fertility questions or issues you may be experiencing with your OBGYN or PCP.
Was I really pregnant, or did I just have a false positive?
I believe life begins at conception. While many lawmakers or other women may not consider the first collection of cells to be a baby, I most certainly do. God creates each of us, as we are uniquely and wonderfully made in the womb. I cannot wait to meet my angel baby in heaven one day.
